I am preparing for my first writers conference, and I am a jumble of nerves, excitement and anticipation. Honestly, it is keeping me up at night. I have prepared business cards, a synopsis and a 10-page sample of my WIP, and still need to do my one-page. My website is up and running. This feels real and I am full of conflict.
The other day I read this quote: “Going after a dream has a price. It may mean abandoning our habits, it may make us go through hardships, or it may lead us to disappointment. But however costly it may be it is never as high as the price paid by people who didn’t live.” Paulo Coelho, in “Adultery”. I am going after a dream, and I should expect things to be hard and to cost something. I may be disappointed. Repeatedly. But I am trying. I am “doing hard things” as a friend recommends. I am setting an example for my creative daughter that it is okay to risk, to dare to fall on the off-chance you might soar.
To follow a dream, one needs to leave their comfort zone. I left that miles ago. But I am still plagued with doubts and each step further out on the ledge feels like the first. I tell myself I have nothing to lose. There are zero expectations on me from the outside world. How many am I putting on myself? I am one in a sea of millions of wannabe novelists. But I have gone to some considerable effort and expense for this and I want to see this through.
Why? Why do I want to write? First and foremost to tell Robert’s story. To look closely at how these beautiful houses came into being. To look at the truths that remain unchanged, despite the distance of time. The universal problems of dealing with difficult bosses and co-workers, of trying to make yourself believe you belong and deserve the praise and recognition you get. Self-doubt. I guess Robert and I have something in common.
Will you join me on this journey? Will you follow along and encourage me? Here on this blog, I’ll share my progress, my struggles and successes, as well as thoughts on writing, reading, libraries and education, and family life. I hope you’ll come along.